Hey TV! Go Watch Yourself

I have more television choices but watch less. When I choose to watch, I don't sit through an entire episode of anything. Exception: Flight of the Conchords on HBO. Funny.

I like the History Channel program where they go underground and run around with flashlights. They explore cisterns in Istanbul and forgotten Paris sewers. The only bad part about that show is the host. He's Mr. Histrionic. He oversells the drama (or lack of drama) at every tunnel entrance.

I like the man versus nature shows. You know, the programs where they drop a dude off on a glacier or in the jungle and he survives for a week with a thermos of coffee and a Swiss army knife. There's Man vs. Wild and Survivorman. In Man vs. Wild the host travels with a camera crew. The adventurer mans the camera on Survivorman. I wonder if they critique each other's work? That might be a good show too.

I checked out the tough jobs in cold weather shows. I saw the Alaskan crab fishing show, Dangerous Catch, sponsored by Red Lobster. What? No product placement? I can get the logo painted on the pot floats. Give me a jingle, people. And Ice Road Truckers, a show featuring big trucks on frozen Canadian Lakes. That's a tougher package to produce. The drivers are alone on the ice. They need to erect a floating casino, strip club, and trucker's shower halfway across the lake. It doesn't have to float until spring. Start building it this fall. Install a roulette table next to port-a-potty and expand it from there, like the space station. I hear NASA started with similar accommodations. The toilet broke recently, but the roulette wheel still spins. They needed the additonal air flow.

I peeked at the celebrity out of control shows on VH-1. The fat celebrities with bad attitudes program, the Peter Brady / skanky wife show, and the no-class bimbos clawing for celebrity romance contests, featuring Flavor Flav and Brett Michaels. I don't like the rehab / intervention shows, whether they feature celebrity drug addicts or regular abusers. Its painful and not very entertaining.

I see parts of all those shows in the same evening when I flip for a long time. I also enjoy sports, especially in high-def. Even the Royals look good on a HD channel.

Ask my wife if you want to know about The Office, Survivor, Project Runway, The Bachelor, Desperate Housewives, The Daily Show, General Hospital, Top Chef, Ugly Betty, Dancing With the Stars, 30 Rock, American Idol, Grey's Anatomy, or The Colbert Report. She's got the TV with the DVR box. I tape re-runs of Bob Newhart and The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

The Office, 30 Rock, and The Daily Show are good programs. When I watch its at the expense of something else. I can't blog, I'm not listening to downloaded music, I can't play video games, I'm not walking the dog, I'm not researching family history, and I can't write short stories. Tina Fey and Jenna Fischer will have to be smoldering hot for American viewers without me. I'd rather type.