College Lessons

Here are a few things I learned in college at the University of Kansas:

• 8:00am classes are useful only to those who are hung up on graduating in four years.
• A Christmas tree will not fit in the trash chute of a high rise dormitory.
• Pull the fire alarm once, shame on me, pull the fire alarm twice, it was those bastards over at Naismith Hall.
• Vomit and lasagna smell the same when you don't know somebody hurled in the cafeteria.
• If you break a beer bottle inside Joe's Donuts on a Saturday night, you will receive a round of applause, but not from the people who work there.
• Susan Lucci is one damn fine actress.
• Stolen toilet paper burns a hole in your backpack.
• Using a water balloon sling-shot within city limits often attracts law enforcement officials.
• They do not have a lost and found for jean jackets at the Pink Flamingo strip club.